Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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