Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
