Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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