Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
