homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
