Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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