He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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