so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
