when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
