No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
