she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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