I cockslap morals
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
