You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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