just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
