They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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