It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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