Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
