I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
