I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
