Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
