I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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