Moan for me like Helen Keller
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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