Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
