i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize