This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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