I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
