Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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