Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
