If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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