I've blown a few things in my day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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