You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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