We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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