I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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