im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
