it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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