You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
