guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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