Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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