Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
