thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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