mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
