I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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