I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
