just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
