OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
