Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
