Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
