I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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