Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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