College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
