Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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