my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
