I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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