Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
