pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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