oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
