it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
