she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
