man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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