You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
