please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
