Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
