4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
