I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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