Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
