Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
