Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
