I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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