I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
