anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
