You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
