I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
