meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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