Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
