What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
