i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
