It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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