I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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