I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
