We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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