I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize