she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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