Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
