you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
