did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
