I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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