someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How drunk are you?
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