...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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